I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
