do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
