im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
