I'm jealous of your bromance
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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