So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
