Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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