Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
