Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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