Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
