Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
