My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
