I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
