when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
