i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
