Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
