why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
