i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
