the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
