he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
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We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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