If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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