I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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