We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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