i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
