We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
