Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
