You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
