i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
