Plan B is the new Plan A
You can't special order awesome
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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