he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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