they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize