Me too!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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