Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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