The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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