Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
