She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
