Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
