if i died would you start the facebook group?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
