ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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