I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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