Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
