i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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