Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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