my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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