Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
