Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
