I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
