I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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