there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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