It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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