If that was your dad, he is hot
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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