sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
