I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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