I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
