I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
