Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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