I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
