And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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