In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
