4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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