I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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