In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
