does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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