I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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