My hand turned me down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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