Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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