before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
