so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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